The last meeting I went to was a TMS. The CO was in town that week and he was giving a talk on being a slave of god. I kept thinking to myself that I didn't want to be a 'slave'. I left at the song...I just got up and walked out. It felt great!!
FD
Fire Dragon
JoinedPosts by Fire Dragon
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33
Last Meeting
by Nosferatu infor those who have been out for a while, was there anything special about the very last meeting you attended (excluding memorials)?
was there anything incredibly memorable about it?
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Do You Enjoy Being "Part of the World"???
by minimus insince before a witness gets baptized, they are told to "be no part of this world".
that is beaten into everyone's head.
now that you're not a jw or are on the way out, how does being part of the "world" feel?
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Fire Dragon
It feels absolutely wonderful!! I have much more freedom to do what I want...I'm actually having fun now!
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The ten best ways to disrupt a District Assembly:
by czarofmischief in1. have an apostate food truck outside with free burritos and shasta cola.. 2. wear a smurf costume and run across the stage.. 3. bikini car wash across the street.. 4. have an old-school breakdancing session on the corner, cardboard and all.
bonus if you do it on a mat made of watchtowers and primary colored book covers.. 5. have a garage sale or flea market in the neighborhood during the afternoon session.. 6. sit in the audience and applaud everything that anybody says - try to get a standing ovation for each sentence of the closing prayer.. 7. put a recording of rap, heavy metal, or other forbidden music on instead of the kingdom melodies.. 8. get fifty of your friends to walk around in the stadium during the session, holding signs that say, "louder please!
" and "take your shirt off!
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Fire Dragon
Set up a booth outside the assembly with signs that say, 'Gay and Lesbian Jehovah's Witness Support Group.' I'm not joking, this is actually done by a group called A Common Bond. Check out the pics of them doing their version of 'streetwork.' http://www.gayxjw.org/streetwork.html If you aren't gay, then make signs for a JW Recover Support Group. Include apostate websites! Fire Dragon
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Trouble dealing with life as an ex-JW
by YellowLab ini'm interested in finding out if anyone here who is an ex-dub has taken or still takes prescription anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication to deal with feelings of inadequacy and inexperience with life outside of the wts, relationship problems, stress/anger, low self-esteem, etc.. i still suffer with self-esteem/image problems as well as stress with life in general after leaving the wts.
i often feel alone and inexperienced when dealing with life's problems, and often find it difficult to handle conflict/disagreements with loved ones when they arise.
i feel these occurrences are a personal attack on myself.. i just started attending counseling to deal with these problems, and it was mentioned that an anti-depressant may help.
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Fire Dragon
Seven months before I left the JWs I wanted to commit suicide. I finally got the help I needed and yes, I took antidepressants. Not only that, I had to be put on an antianxiety drug and an antipsychotic. Once I left the dubs I was taken off of all the meds except the lowest dosage of antidepressant...Paxil. I am still on it today and have been away from the dubs for about a year and a half. It isn't unusual to have to stay on an antidepressant for a while...maybe a couple of years. I do still suffer from occasional feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem. The dubs doctrines and badgering run deep...especially if you were raised in the organization. You are not alone. Try the meds for a while and see how you feel. Good luck! Fire Dragon
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Inky got a letter from her son.............you have to read this
by Mulan inour niece, irene, who posts here as inky, sent me an email.
her 27 year old son is getting married in two weeks, and she posted a few days ago about how he didn't invite her to his wedding.. she told me i can post it as she doesn't want to read it again.. "dear mom.
i've needed to write this letter to you for some time now.
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Fire Dragon
(((((((((Inky)))))))))) My heart goes out to you! Fire Dragon
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Anybody going to R.O.T. in Austin this year?
by Fire Dragon ini'm talking about the republic of texas biker rally.
i'll be there and thought that if any other exdubs were going that we might meetup somewhere!
let me know.. fire dragon
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Fire Dragon
Bummer! What kind of bike do you have?
FD
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Anybody going to R.O.T. in Austin this year?
by Fire Dragon ini'm talking about the republic of texas biker rally.
i'll be there and thought that if any other exdubs were going that we might meetup somewhere!
let me know.. fire dragon
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Fire Dragon
I'm talking about the Republic of Texas Biker Rally. I'll be there and thought that if any other exdubs were going that we might meetup somewhere! Let me know.
Fire Dragon
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Why care about friends left behind?
by ashitaka ina couple of days ago there was a fuenral at the hall for a gentleman who was the grandfather of my former best jw friend.
this was a kind old man, who i had enjoyed talking to; a real sweet guy.. yet, when it came time for the funeral talk, i couldn't bring myself to go.
everyone (including this old gentleman) had abandoned me (besides my family) when i had left the jws (not df'd).
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Fire Dragon
I agree with LyinEyes that I think I would go out of MY love and respect for that person. Up until last month I still sent 'Happy Anniversary' cards to some I was close to. My parents anniversary is this month.....I haven't decided if I'll send a card or not.
FD
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Do You Remember the Day of Your Baptism?
by minimus inyour baptism date is supposed to be the most important time of your life.
i was 9 years old when i took the plunge.
i remember my baptism, mostly because, i was baptized twice.
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Fire Dragon
I was 20 years old. I remember thinking that I wasn't ready to get baptized because I still dealt with fleshly desires like masturbation and lesbianism. (Glad I'm over feeling bad about that! ) I remember thinking that I didn't truly have jahoover's blessing because as soon as I came out of the water I felt sick to my stomach. I promptly went to the bathroom and heaved! Very symbolic don't you think?!
Fire
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A Healing Article: Killed A Goat Today...
by Fire Dragon inkilled a goat today...
by wren walker.
killed a goat today.
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Fire Dragon
Killed a Goat Today... by Wren Walker I killed a goat today. And it was quite messy. For some reason, this year's goat put up quite a fight. It was hard to get a real good grip on it. The little beastie is wilier than you might think. When I did finally back it into a corner, the creature pathetically bleated and whined and for just a moment there, I even felt a little bit sorry for it. But no matter. A ritual is a ritual. The goat has to go.
Twice a year, at Beltaine and at Samhain, I sacrifice a goat. The actual killing of it is always a difficult thing for me to do and I experience some serious qualms over it each time. But the sense of release that follows the deed is well worth the effort expended. I guess that is why it is called a sacrifice. It's not supposed to be easy. So, I sucked up and I did it. So long, goat. Now, if only I knew where that other one has wandered off to...
Well, yes. There are two goats involved in this time-honored tradition. Goat #1 gets the proverbial ax. The other goat (Goat #2) is released into the wilderness. You have probably heard about that one. It is usually called the scapegoat.
As represented in the biblical tales of the Jewish and Christian belief systems, the scapegoat is "a goat that was driven off into the wilderness as part of the ceremonies of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, in Judaism. The rite is described in Leviticus XVI . Two male goats were to be brought to the place of sacrifice along with a bull. The high priest then cast lots for the two goats. One goat was offered as a burnt offering, as was the bull. The second goat was the scapegoat. The high priest placed his hands on the head of the goat and confessed the sins of the people of Israel. The goat was then led away into the wilderness, bearing the sins of the people with it, to be claimed by Azazel." *
Evidence of such sacrifices being performed on behalf of a tribe, group or religious sect is found throughout history and across cultures . Sort of like a primitive version of an AA meeting. Theological differences aside, the rituals of expulsion serve a common goal: to cleanse the tribe or religious sect of undesirable elements, collective shortcomings or 'sins'. As a psychological device, it was -- and is -- a very effective way of purging the lingering self-esteem bashers of past mistakes and unresolved guilt from our psyche.
Jungian-school psychologists link this type of 'sacrifice' to humankind's struggle with its "shadow" self.
"The Shadow is the easiest of the archetypes for most persons to experience. We tend to see it in "others." That is to say, we project our dark side onto others and thus interpret them as "enemies" or as "exotic" presences that fascinate. We see the Shadow everywhere in popular culture. He is Batman. She is Spider Woman. It is the Ninja Turtles. We see it in popular prejudice as well. We "imagine" that the Black Man is our enemy; that Communists are devils.. Of course, Satan is the great Shadow image of popular religion.. The Shadow is the personification of that part of human, psychic possibility that we deny in ourselves and project on to others." **
Goat #1 then -- the one that is actually sacrificed to 'God', the Gods or the tribal elementals of choice -- perhaps represents those shortcomings, fears, prejudices, hatreds and guilt that we can publicly acknowledge or privately come to grips with. This goat carries the realized errors of thought, belief and/or practice that we have chosen first to admit and then to integrate, resolve or to heal within ourselves.
And so every year at Beltaine and at Samhain, I do a little introspective psychic housecleaning, select a Goat #1 and give it the emotional ax. There is an actual ritual involved. I make it an actual ritual because this 'sacrifice' is important. It marks a point in time wherein I have resolved to make a change in the way I think about something. (Or a someone.) And whenever I might be tempted to fall back into that bad habit, the ritual serves to remind me that this is no longer how I have chosen to address the situation or relationship. That old goat is dead and gone.
How do I know which goat to sacrifice? What is a Goat #1? I generally have a 'feeling' about it. In other words, if something or someone elicits an emotional response within me that is disproportional to my actual experience with that thing or person, I start to look there. While my 'goat' is a personal one -- and undoubtedly of no real interest to anyone other than to myself and my Ancestors -- there are several categories (and more not mentioned here) where you might search if you are interested in pursuing a little bit of 'Ritual Goat Sacrificing 101' yourself.
Religion: Religious systems are open for critique and debate. Every one of them. If they can't stand up to scrutiny or criticism, they are doomed to fail as viable avenues for spiritual edification or enlightenment. However whenever all of the people who follow any religion are vilified, demonized or berated for the failures, inconsistencies or theologically just-plain-unworkable tenets of the system -- or for the failings of a few of its adherents -- you may have found your number-one goat.
Criticize the system. Blame the actual individual victimizer. But sacrifice the phrases that lump all sincere practitioners in with the hypocrites and the opportunistic. Not all Christians are close-minded. Not all Pagans are tolerant. It is difficult to remember to use those qualifying phrases like 'some' and 'a few' or 'the system'. It takes more time. You may have to type in a few more words when writing your opinions. It's a sacrifice. It's not supposed to be easy.
Politics: Whether conservative, moderate or liberal, Republican, Democrat, Green or Libertarian, politics seems to have more goats running around the world these days than the tax-trolls under the bridges can count. Are all liberals pantywaist idiots? Are all conservatives wild-eyed warmongers? Are all Americans apathetic? Are all the French cowards? All of the Arabs terrorists?
I am not saying that we shouldn't discuss politics or differences in political theories or platforms. We should discuss these things and the more discussion, the better. But name-calling and nasty personal attacks do not foster communication. See the individual and not the political party standing before you. Or could that be a goat that you've been yelling at for all of this time?
Witches and Wiccans and Heathens: Ah, our favorite little homegrown goats. Will the real Witches please stand up? "You..over there! Yeah, you. Sit down! You're not a real Witch!" Ooo...lots of goats to choose from here. And quite a few bunnies, too, I see!
We don't have to agree. And we don't have to look the other way when differences arise either. (See Religion above.) But is that knee-jerk emotional reaction that you feel when someone mentions 'Wicca" or 'Reconstructionist' really in proportion to your actual experiences? Or is there a goat running around in your coven, chat room or message board?
Goats are found everywhere. We can usually spot the goat in someone else's yard easily enough. It's the one in our own living room -- in our own psyche -- that is harder to track down. It is harder to corner. It is more difficult to kill. It is hard to give up the easy and reactive rhetoric that we so easily fall into when we are dealing with someone who is not like us. And some people do not want to give it up. And that is why there are two goats.
Goat #1 represents those things and emotions and habits and guilt that we are willing and are ready to sacrifice. We recognize that these things are not healthy for us to haul around anymore. These things don't work. We don't want to do these things, say these things, feel these things any longer. So we do it. Buh-bye, you old Goat!
But Goat #2 is still wandering around out there in the wilderness. The wilderness of unconscious thought. The wilderness of unrealized hatreds and insecurities and fears. It is tempting indeed to place the shortcomings of others upon the horns of Goat #2.
"If only Christians would... If only Pagans could...If only liberals could or conservatives would...If only Bush would or Blair would or the Americans would or the French could..." Anyone else smell a goat in here?
Oh, you tempting and so easily named goats, you! What would we do without you?
We may never know. You see, the scapegoat never actually died. Oh, it was driven out into the wilderness to die, but it didn't. In fact, it came back. So far, throughout our collective human history, it has always come back.
We might not recognize it as that same old goat from last year or the year before that, but it is. As long as there is one scapegoat left in the world, it will keep finding its way home to haunt us. Again and again, we will seek to drive it out. But until we recognize it for what it is -- that shadow part of ourselves that cannot bear to look upon itself and so projects itself unto others who are not like us -- it will just keep coming back.
So, I killed a goat today. And while I had my will focused upon that, Goat #2 got spooked and took off for the wilderness. But it will be back. And at Samhain, I will try again. That is all that I can do. That is all that any of us can do. It's a starting point anyway.
For if we want to change ourselves, we have to shine light upon the shadows -- upon our shadows -- so that we can see the hates, the fears, the partisanships and yes, the evils that we hide from ourselves and place upon others. But perhaps, if we are willing to begin with our own small and personal sacrifices, we can together eventually make a difference in the world.
One old scapegoat at a time. Wren Walker Co-Founder - The Witches' Voice
Monday, April 14th., 2003
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